So yaaaaaa, i failed my first pro exam, didn’t get frustrated or down so much because somehow i expected it already. The first scenario that caught my attention was that my mentor sent a message in our whatsapp group at 2:30 p.m. about declining our dinner together that night because some of us already bought tickets home after the announcement of the pro results which of course was just an excuse. The results announcement was at 3 p.m.
So flashing back a bit, i failed in my practical component and for you guys who don’t know how medical students exam, i’ll be glad to shine some light on it. Our exams are composed of Theory and Practical and we need to pass in both components to pass our pro exams. Theory is made up from MCQ consisting of MTF and SBA, SBQ and SEQ and our practical is only from OSCE. In addition, we also have these things called carry marks which bring foward our semester exams marks which contribute 40% to the overall marks. Anyways i failed by approximately a little percentage to pass my OSCE.
During the results announcement, i waited inside near the door of the lecture hall. I didn’t have the courage to sit with my friends inside the hall. I cannot imagine what i would do, what my face was gonna be like when everybody surrounding me know that i had failed my exams. That very awkward moment i imagined would not be something i’m capable to handle so standing very far from any human possible was my ultimate goal at that very moment.
Behind the lecture hall was an old wooden bench and nobody would go there because everyone was focused on going inside the hall. So i sat there with my legs and feet comfortably on a plastic table in-front of the bench, closing my eyes, trying to catch the sound of the dean entering the hall. Approximately 7 minutes later I heared the door of the hall opening and the hall suddenly became quiet, that was when i decided to come nearer to the door to hope for a miracle. I walked about 5 steps and i saw Harith, my senior was walking towards the hall from the opposite direction. I was like..ohh man, among many other people why would it be Harith, my Tok guru in editing and designing the magazine. The one i’m close to in USM.
So i greeted him and he wanted to go inside together. Of course my answer was no. I said, it’s okay Harith i’ll be waiting here, go in first and he did. As soon as the dean started his speech, i entered the hall and stood closely by the door. Harith was still there waiting and didn’t want to go up. So we stayed together for a minute and suddenly the door opened again. And i was like whatttttt, now Kak Ana (facepalming). Somehow when i wanted to be away from people, these two always appear at those hard moments giving me motivation and strength (muntah please).
They asked what was my first name, Harith said is it Muhammad? I simply nodded, so that they won’t expect when the students name that begins with the letter I is being announced. The announcement of the students who passed was according to the first letter of their name. The dean started calling out names one by one and applauses and hooting were given by the students as a sign of happiness and support that their friends passed the exams. Soon the dean started calling students with the letter I.
“Ida Nuradhwa, Iman Iffah, Iwana, Iza Hairani…” and then a moment of silence because the dean was flipping the paper…”Kevin Luke.”
I breathed deeply. My mind started thinking is this true? I looked at Harith and said, I failed! Harith face changed. He looked at me and opened his arm. We hugged and he said, its okay.. it’s okay, there’s another chance.. there’s still chance. I don’t know what to say, the thing i had expected happened but somehow i am still speechless. I didn’t want to stay there any longer, so i asked harith where the Academic Office was because the dean wants to meet all the students who failed. They say when a man is being down, leave him alone for a while, he’ll come around.
I went straight to the office and waited there alone. The office was above the Jabatan Keselamatan so I had a good view of my campus. I gazed at the football fields, at Desasiswa Murni, i observed the roundabout and my mind was empty. Merely capturing the serenity of the scene. Somehow the sound of vehicles passing through provides a soothing tune. Guess i never would have felt that without failing my exams haha. After having a meeting with the Dean and lecturers, we exited the room and the view was unforgettable for eternity. My heart sunked and i tried my best not to let tears flow down. My friends were waiting for us at the stairs with so many worried faces. Some cried. They wanted to be there for us and i appreciate every single one of you that came and gave us support. I really felt that i was not alone and i believe all who failed felt the same way too. Thank you guys!
All in all, currently i’m preparing for my second pro exams! Frankly i was only going to write a bit and share about an essay i did tonight but suddenly all theses stories were written. I can’t wait for this exam to end although i’m still very much nervous about the outcomes of this exam because this time its Fail and Out! Which means i will be expelled from medical school and no more chances for me. So this is my last straw! Anyways i’ll do my best and hope for colourful results. Please keep me in your prayers.
And last but not least, for the very first time i did an essay and for the first time i sent it to one of my lecturers. It’s about the uterus, and i will gladly share my first ever essay. I did it like an exam with no books open 😛
Before i end this post, that feeling i had about my mentor cancelling the dinner because of me was true haha. My mentor admitted it when we went on a fridate and he treated me with some nice hayaki nasi kukus.
And i also want to say thanks to all those who gave me support, kind words, quotes and motivation. You guys know who you are and i appreciate every single things you guys did for me. Please keep me in your prayers and pray the best for us in this world and the world after. Thank you 🙂